Life Taking a Turn for the Better

So remember my uncharted post, life sure does send you some curve balls. Just two weeks ago, my heart was set on getting into the BYUI nursing program and becoming a nurse.Today, I have a new goal, the Physician's Assistant Program. Call me indecisive, I know I am! At least it is not a completely different occupation. I am still in the health profession. I am just getting to do more things, in my opinion. This is just one of those things where everything is falling into place perfectly, and you know Heavenly Father is pushing you towards it.

So here's the deal. During the fall, while I was still filling out my nursing application, I actually looked in to PA schools. I thought that after I got my bachelors in nursing, depending on where I would be in my life, I would go back to school and become a PA. I put it out of my mind until recently when this advertisement on the homepage of my BYUI account caught my eye. The advertisement read "Interested in becoming a Physician's Assistant?" My immediate answer, in my head of course, was Yes! "Come to a meeting on January 27 to find out more information." I was so excited after just seeing those words! I knew there was a reason that I saw that. Exactly one week later, I was at the meeting but a little late, so I didn't feel like I got all of the information. What I did get out of the meeting, I called and talked with my mom,and she relayed the information to my dad. I had a decision to make, nursing of physician's assistance. I decided to find out all the information I could. I called my brother-in-law the dentist, or Alan, and asked what he thought of the idea. Everything was sounding amazing, and I was getting excited the more I talked and thought about it, but I still didn't feel like I had all the information. I emailed the advisor for the program, and he said to stop by. That's what I did today. I stopped by, and we talked for about an hour. He was so so helpful. I guess I keep forgetting that I now go to school where people actually care if and help you succeed. In high school, the counselors claimed that they "cared," but they sure didn't act like it. Here, it's way different.

The advisor told me the amount of credits I have is perfect for the program this year. He told me my grades are great! The PA program is a deal with a school in Philadelphia called Salus University. The school guarantees four spots in their program to BYUI students. I will apply this spring, and if I get in I will go to Philadelphia in August of 2012. I will do a year of school, and then I will come back to Southeast Idaho for a year to do clinicals, and then I will be able to get my PA license. Because I have been taking the classes for the nursing program, I am a little behind. So these next few months, I will be volunteering at the hospital while calling PAs and asking if I can shadow them,so I can get experience. The advisor told me I have a really good chance of getting in. The only thing that would keep me from the program is not getting enough experience, or some other applicant and I competing for a spot with them having taken the general chemistry classes in college.

It just feels great when things work out. There have been so many tender mercies for me during the past few weeks. I don't know if I will get in, but if I don't, there are other ways for me to become a PA. I am so excited to see how this all turns out.

Life is Fragile

A lot has happened over the past few weeks. Good things and bad things, but today in my post I want to talk about the bad news I received a little over two weeks ago. My dad called me with information that I didn't want to hear. I was having a good time. It was the start of the semester, and I didn't (or at least was attempting to not) have a care in the world.

 The first blow was that my sister-in-law Nicole had miscarried (I hope you don't mind me writing about this Nicole). My heart dropped because I had seen how excited that Joey and Nicole had been in anticipation of this baby. They had taken precautions with not telling the whole world because they knew that during the first few months of pregnancy is when the baby is the most vulnerable to miscarriage. I felt like before I left both of them were starting to let the idea of a baby settle in and stay there.

Then, he went on to tell me that my mom was in Redding with my Grandma Lois and my grandma was not expected to live through the night. Her kidney and heart was failing. She did live for a few more days. She died on January 8, 2011 at 3a.m.

This news did not affect me as much as you would expect, and I don't want  to seem cold and heartless, but my Grandma has not been my grandma for some time. When I was about 10, grandma needed her kidney replaced along with having strokes that damaged her brain function. After that, she wasn't fun to be around. I would dread having to be around her (again, I sound like a horrible person). The last time I saw her she knew who I was when I was there, asking me specific questions about school and the nursing program, but as soon as I left she had no idea who I was.

 I wish I could have been able to go to the funeral on the fourteenth of January. It would have been nice to see family, but I couldn't make it because of school and a last minute plane ticket to California would have been another expense my parents would have paid for.

I'm writing about this today because this morning while sitting in the Manwaring Center, not having much to do because I forgot some needed essentials to do homework back at my apartment, I googled my grandma. Not surprisingly, it came up with her obituary, and I feel like I have no idea who she was. I had to find out through the internet that she and my grandpa Merle were high school sweethearts! How pathetic is that! Just by reading the obit I found out more about her life than in my eighteen years that I have known her.

Here is what I do know. She was loving and compassionate. There is a memory I have of her that I want to share. I remember when I was younger that anytime I was at the the amazing home of her and her second husband, Wally (before they faced health issues), I would always have homemade strawberry freezer jam and toast for breakfast. It was my favorite, and she knew and would make sure that I had that breakfast. Another thing I know is that she was a great woman because she raised my mom who is one of the most selfless and sweetest people I know, and I love her.

I also know that she is reunited with her loved ones the went before her. I know that she is with my grandpa Merle who did not receive the blessings of the gospel in this life, but was given the oppurtunity to receive them in the hereafter. I never met him because he died of melanoma when my mom was twenty, but I wish I had because the only comments that I have heard about him have painted him as a hardworking, gentle, and kind man. The kind of grandpa any girl would wish for.

I know that I will see grandma Lois and any other love ones that I have lost or will lose. I will meet him, and I can't wait for that day!

Uncharted

A new year has begun. I have moved from home back to Rexburg, Idaho to return to school! During all this time of  good change, the lyrics of Sara Barielles' song "Uncharted" keep running through my mind. The lyrics perfectly describe my life currently. One line particularly stands out to me, " Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere." I have no idea where my life is going to take me at the moment, but I have always had this image of the person I want to be. In the quiet moments of my life when I get caught up with my thoughts, I imagine myself in a few years as this confident and bold person, who has a strong relationship with my heavenly father, and I always know who I am. I am not saying that I now don't know I am a child of my heavenly father and who has great worth. I am saying that I know everything about myself and absolutely love the good things and improve my weaknesses where needed. Lately, I imagine myself as a Nurse living in Monterey, California. :) This is the person I want to be in a few years time. I know that I can't necessarily control where I live or when exactly I will finish my nursing degree because things come up and the Lord has another direction that he points you towards. There are certain things I can control, and sitting around just thinking about who I want to be will not change who I am now.  I guess you can say this is one of my resolutions to everyday work my way toward the person I want to be.
On Sunday, I spent most of the day at Mitzy's home with my parents. Mitzy is a dear friend of the family who used to live in Yuba City. She told me that I seemed different from a year ago. I seemed more confident and grown up. I think she is right. I feel like I have changed a lot during this year, I am definitely not the super shy girl from high school, but I still feel like I have a long way to go before reaching my resolution.
Another resolution that I have that has somewhat to do with my other resolution is living every moment of my life to the fullest. I would like to force myself into focusing more on the present rather than filling my mind with thoughts of the future. I am going to have goals and aspirations for the future in mind but not consuming my whole brain. I want to be satisfied with everyday. I want to make everyday. I never want to go to bed feeling there was something I should have done differently. Also from "Uncharted":

 "I won't go as a passenger, no
  Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down,
 I'm taking flame over burning out."

New Beginning

After a late night chat with Tatiana, I decided that I want a blog, for me. Journal writing has never ever been my strong point and has always been one of the promptings in my head saying..."You need to improve!" I am a person that uses maybe a little too much of my day in thought (and perhaps overthinking situations). My thoughts need to be put into words, so I can not only check journal writing off of my daily spiritual checklist, but also just maybe discover new things about myself through translating my thoughts. So here I am new to blogging, giving my self a fresh start with journal writing, and also giving myself determination to make the changes that  I want to see in my life. I want to reach that goal with my physical appearance. I want to make that reconnection with my father in Heaven ( He and I both know I need it =D). I am granting myself a fresh start, a clean sweep....a New Beginning.